How To Console a Grieving Friend

As I scroll through my timeline on my social media, I notice my peers and family experiencing feelings of loss and grief. Sadly, as one gets older, losing someone you love is an inevitable fate. Unfortunately, a lot of us are not prepared for it. The realization knocks them off their feet.

I, too, have experienced heavy losses within the past six years. The first one being my beloved father six years ago. The second being my grandmother just two weeks ago. Two people I had genuine relationships with are now gone, and the sadness creeps up at unexpecting moments. One thing I noticed in my other relationships, is that while many people did reach out and send their condolences, others didn't really understand how to be there for a person in their time of grief. It can be an uncomfortable and unsettling experience seeing anyone cry or not their best self. Here are a few suggestions on what one may try during this difficult time.

1. Reach Out

It doesn't have to be this long-winded paragraph telling them how sorry you are. A simple text message, comment, email, or short phone call, is sufficient. It shows you acknowledge their pain. It's not cool to ignore their loss because you're not comfortable talking about it. Reach out and don't wait. It means a lot more than you think. Send flowers and a card. Offer a meal. Offer a ride to run errands. A little goes a long way.

2. Don't Get Holy

Please respect the beliefs of the bereaved. As a Christian woman, even I didn't want to hear that it was "part of God's plan". I personally found no comfort in that. If one is accepting of prayer to get through this transition, then by all means. However, don't force it. Everyone doesn't believe what you believe.

3. Do NOT Offer Sex

This was probably one of the most disrespectful conversations I've ever had with a man. My father meant a lot to me. When he passed on, pieces of me died with him. I didn't know how I was supposed to continue on. During this dark time, there were men in my inbox saying that if "I needed ANYTHING", I could call on them. The bereaved is vulnerable and trying to figure out how life is supposed to go on while feeling like crap. Instead of offering a listening ear, a small gift, kind words, or even a comforting presence, you offer something that benefits mainly you. That's pretty messed up and NASTY. Chasing grief sex.....you should be ashamed of yourself.

4. Let Them Be Sad

I know there may be days where the bereaved may seem like everything's fine. However, there may come a day, where the bereaved isn't. The first thing a person may want to do is cheer them up. They'll want to do something to help take their mind off the grief. As much as I appreciated people wanting to take me out on the town and drink till I passed out, there were also days I wanted someone to just let me cry. I wanted someone to just listen to me. I didn't want my pain to be dismissed. I wanted someone to relate to me. I wanted someone to understand, and just be there. I wanted to have a bad day, and for it to be allowed.

I only share these tips to help people understand that it costs literally nothing to be kind. The loss of a loved one is a terrible time to endure. Don't make it worse being terribly insensitive to their feelings. Reach out. Let them know you're there for them. Listen. It helps a lot more than you know.