I Want My Cookie

It's a new year! Each day is an opportunity to better oneself, however a new year feels like a clean slate. It's great time to start over and adapt new lifestyle changes. Many people started off the new year by going to church. Many started going to the gym and dieting. Me on the other hand, I'm dedicating this year to myself.

For some odd reason, people live in this delusion that I'm just a pretty princess in a castle with a bunch servants, and never had to lift a finger. I really don't know where that bullshit came from. I guess that's one of the downfalls of being married. Being a wife obviously means that your husband does everything for you. THE LIES. ALL LIES. Yes. My husband has recently become a huge success in his career. He finished school and obtained his degree. We moved into a bigger home in a better neighborhood. Our daughter is blossoming by the day. BUT! How do you think he got where he is?? Do you really think he did all that by himself? NEW FLASH. He had me!

Marriage has been a bit rocky lately, but that doesn't mean we're giving up. Anything worth having is not easy to keep. It requires a little elbow grease sometimes. We've been to counseling and have been speaking to people we genuinely trust. However, there's one thing many people have said that has pissed me off entirely.

"You don't get a cookie for doing what you're supposed to do." However, my husband got tons of cookies. I'm not writing all this down so people can feel sorry for me. I don't need anyone's pity. However, my feelings are valid and they still matter. How come he gets a cookie for going to work and coming home? Yes. I get it. Some women don't even get that. That sounds like a personal problem though. That has nothing to do with me. I went to work too. I busted my ass, as a matter of fact. I had a child. I put my dreams on hold so he could pursue his. I've made many PAINFUL sacrifices so he could be in the position he is in. My husband gets all these accolades because "he did it all for his family." I'm not saying that his hard work isn't appreciated, but he didn't do it by himself. He had me.

As soon as I complain about anything, I'm automatically told to be grateful. My feelings and needs are dismissed. I'm not allowed to say anything negative about this man because of "what he does for me". He gets a cookie for being a hard-working husband. Isn't that what he's supposed to do?

I'm supposed to not want for anything or ask for anything because I should be grateful for what I already have?? All I ask for are romantic gestures. All I ask for are displays of affection. All I ask for is a smooth-flowing conversation. But the world wants to make me feel like I'm asking for too much!!!! THAT'S NOT FAIR!!! THAT'S ONE-SIDED!!! AND THAT'S FUCKED UP!!! I have to work my ass off to show him how much he means to me, but I have to just take what I can get? If the roles were reversed, what would anyone tell him? I bet you the conversation wouldn't be the same. It's never the same when it comes to a man.

All I want is romance and a strong emotional connection. I don't feel like that's a lot, considering everything I've been through to make this marriage work over the years. I am indeed grateful for a husband who works, comes home and hops on the game, helps with his child, and pays bills.

However, there's more to a relationship/marriage than fucking bills and responsibilities. The heart. The heart is what matters too.